You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
