Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
