yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
