wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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