I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All the doctor said was why
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
