grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
third nipple confirmed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
