I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize