Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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