I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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