Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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