is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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