True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize