WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
