He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
