Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
