I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
