Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sext me about skeletons
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
