He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
