Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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