i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
