apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
