Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
