thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
