drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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