I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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