Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
