Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
