dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
