My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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