Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
