Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
