Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
