you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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