Apparently you make a good broom.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
