we need to drink 2009 down the drain
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize