In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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