whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
