can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
