is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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