He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
