so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
