He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
