Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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