uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh god the rape fog is back!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
