Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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