lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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