i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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