I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
