why didn't you poke me back
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
