Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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