I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
