Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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