Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't turn off my feet"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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