and she was petting her beer can
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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