And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
