Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
