We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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