My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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