Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
