Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
