Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
