I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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