I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
