How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize