Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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